Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
