Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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