i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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