Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She's the barista slut.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
