just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My vagina is officially offended.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
