He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
