I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just gift wrapped bread.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just blew my weed a kiss
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
