thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
