Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
