He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
