idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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