can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
