His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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