I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Sorry about my life...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
