Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
