I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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