in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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