He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
