ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My life is pants optional.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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