I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
