I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
