Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
