She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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