i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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