There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
