its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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