I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
