I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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