Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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