well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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