yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
