If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
