I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
