Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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