This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
