Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
