It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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