haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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