perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
