best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize