3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
