Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
