pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
