I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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