i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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