Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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