i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
