i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
