after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
