Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize