im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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