Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
