a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
