Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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