Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think my vagina is haunted
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
