You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
