wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
