oh god the rape fog is back!
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
