Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
