youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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