fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
