I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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