I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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