No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
