just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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