What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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