I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize