Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
