The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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