I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
