Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
