Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
it was like eating out sand paper
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
