My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
