she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
