Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Oh god it's open bar.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
