She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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