I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
