Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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