I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
