Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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