we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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