I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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