Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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