if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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