well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
