I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
