There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
