nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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