Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
