take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize