We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
