That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
