there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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