Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
