Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
