It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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