It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
