But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
